I Have My Reasons
Understanding ourselves and our motivations is important in avoiding mistakes. Mistakes of all sorts. -Such as purchases, hot Russian girlfriends, career moves, vacation destinations, -just to name a few.
The foremost reason for choosing something is the pure-play utility that thing is meant to do. For example, the utility of a car is to efficiently and safely move you, your entourage, and some luggage or groceries from point A to B.
But, there are many other reasons and motivators putting a finger to the scale. There are always secondary motivators that can blur or overrun what should be the primary motivator. Secondary motivators such as status, approval, novelty, fun, entertainment, sex-appeal, image, self-expression, virtue-signaling and many others.
It is a signal and noise. The primary reason (utility) is the signal and all the other things are just so much noise. There is the primary rational reason and then there are all the secondary reasons operating in the background.
Status. All of us want to feel successful in ourselves and to appear successful in the world. We all want acceptance, approval, love, and status in a social hierarchy. These things are hardwired in our being to help us survive and interact in the world.
It’s what kept us in the warm cave when it was cold outside and the Neanderthals were hunting humans. It was who eats first and who has their genetic code passed along. It was the social safety net before Social Security and Medicare. It was the most important thing. It is not a bug, but a vital feature that served us well.
Trouble is, in our ancient lives, there was never enough food or safety to where we could ease up and take our foot off the gas pedal. There was no monogamy. We were a hunt or a season or a slip and fall away from disaster and death at all times. Status in the tribe was everything.
We wouldn’t last a week without the support of our tribe. And that calculus is still driving our decisions today. We crave more even when we have enough. We need status, we need to feel well-off (and then more), we need to seek approval for reasons that no longer apply. — Often towards people who are not even in our “tribe” at all. Our social brain black box is made to function in a small and meaningful tribe.
That black box doesn’t know the difference between Facebook and family. That black box doesn’t distinguish between the perceived status one gets due to wearing a Rolex or skill at hunting woolly mammoths.
Today is different. I can preserve and store up resources so that I’m not a hunt away from disaster. Today, if my neighbor thinks my car is low-status it doesn’t mean I’m outside the warmth of the communal fire.
Now, just in my pocket is the means to get food and shelter and warmth and medical care — for months!. My spouse of many years isn’t about to ditch me when my status has been upended over a fashion accessory. But my primitive brain is still operating in the competition of a polygamous, precarious, anxious status cave.
I made the chart below to illustrate just 2 dimensions of the many that push our decisions On an automobile.
I heard a writer plugging his book: “Not Caring What Other People Think Is A Superpower: Insights From a Heavyweight Boxer”. I haven’t read the book, but the title is right on. When we can eliminate the fingers on the scale of our decision-making and make clear-minded rational decisions around the primary utility and value of a thing, we save money, time, complication, and disappointment. We save our life energy more than anything else.
Humans of all eras have built pyramids and castles. We have bought luxury cars and gone on high-end safaris. We seek the corner office, yachts and mansions. Billionaires buy sports teams and land Russian model girlfriends. Why? -It is mostly the same reasons.
These are trophies and status signalers. Nothing more. None of them are requirements for a happy and fulfilling life. Yet most people spend most of their life energy pursuing such things. Most people are engaged in, what Jim Collins calls “the undisciplined pursuit of more.”
Rationalize. My car has a little rattle. It is probably nothing. But with the status-seeking, virtue seeking, expression seeking, novelty-seeking, and whatever-seeking fingers on the scale, I investigate it no further and go buy a new car. It was the tailwind needed to push me over the tipping point. All these other reasons are operating in the background and making me think in a way that doesn’t serve me.
The chart below is the same as the previous chart except the y-axis title is changed.
I received a call from a slick recruiter many years ago. He was wanting me to put in for a manager role at a large power plant. He sold me on how I’d go from my current headcount responsibility of 15 to over 190. Marginally better pay, slightly bigger bonus, but wow! think of the status of having 190 people reporting up to you!
I took the job and it was a disaster. I had ten times the number of problems. Phone calls every night at 3 am. Called into work every Saturday and Sunday. The work-life balance went out the window. My hourly compensation therefore plummeted.
I even had a complaint from a disgruntled employee to a U.S Congressman who then called my boss’s boss to complain about me! It was the job from hell. I allowed the allure of status to put a finger on the scale of a career decision and I made the wrong decision.
The story of my Russian model girlfriend. — Well, that never happened, but the same rules apply. The “hey look at me” and “this is fun toy” apply to the choice of partners as well. One must remember what the main driver of a decision needs to be and what is secondary often leads to bad decisions.
Making wise decisions is having clarity around the utility of a thing. Being able to filter out the noise of secondary factors. Knowing our own misguided or outdated predilections and drives. Humans think they are rational. Yet we are irrational in so many ways. Better said, humans are rationalizers. We back-fit to justify bad decisions.
If you ask “why did you do that?”-—I have my reasons…
