Own The Room. — the only room that matters
It’s one of the biggest cliches one will ever hear about public speaking. A better way to say the same thing is one must own all the rooms. The venue, but also rooms that are walled in the space between their ears. And being even more direct and more honest about what that means, one must engage in mass mind control during the presentation. That sounds dark and manipulative, and it could be, but the fact of the matter is that’s the essential skill of a great presenter. Manipulation is a charged word that most would assume applies to a harmful exchange. But, it need not be dark, or harmful, or a win-lose. I manipulate or coax my kids into eating their vegetables and it’s with their best interests in mind. Perhaps a better term is persuasion. Or just “guide their thinking”. Whatever one calls it, it can be exactly what all parties need to go somewhere together for the good of all. For a presentation to be successful the presenter is going somewhere and the audience must go along (in their mind) as well. For a presentation to be successful, a mind melding of sorts must occur. At least for the duration of the presentation.
Think about this: If your audience is focused on their cell phone, or the thermostat setting, or mowing their grass, then they are not going with you on the journey of your presentation. To go with you on the journey, your audience must think about exactly what you want them to be thinking-and nothing else. It’s nothing short of mind control, or softer said, — mind leadership. But mind control on a voluntary basis for the duration of the presentation and for the good of all involved. The audience, if they trust you, and you maintain control, will give you the keys and let you drive. Even drive their minds, their thinking.
And the audience wants this. They want to go along, be entertained, enthralled, enchanted, transfixed, and informed or persuaded by the right person and in the right way.
How do you own the room that matters?
-Trust
If the audience doesn’t trust you, they’ll not turn over the keys. They’ll tune out. Resist your every word. Make self talk about what a bad presenter, bad dresser, and bad thinker, you are. They’ll be on their cell phone, looking out the window, thinking of dinner, dreaming of Tahiti.
If they do trust you, you have a chance. A precarious chance albeit, to own the room. But a single dart of the eye, balled up fist, indication of fakery, or poor word choice, and now you are out. Trust is out and you’ll likely not get it back anytime soon. Staying in the room is so much harder than getting into the room. The audience is continually (subconsciously) looking for a reason to stop trusting you and any reason will do.
The default is non-trust. From a survival standpoint we’re wired to non-trust until we’re presented with some convincing and continuing evidence that trust is justified. This is why great presenters always begin the same way. They begin with a rapport building segue. Rapport is trust prerequisites. The segue maybe a joke, maybe an endearing vignette, or a dialogue of some sort. Or maybe it’s mentioning a common friend or common experience that suggests you are one of them and deserve trust. Maybe it’s confiding a secret or telling a self deprecating story that makes you more appear more human.
Rumi said “the highest form of intelligence is observing without judging”. Similarly, a presenter cannot transfer their intelligence or ideas if the audience is busy judging and not trusting. Once you are in the room that sort of intelligence is accessible and transferable. Once you are in the room ideas transfer in a most efficient way. But, once you are in the room you must continuously be working to stay in the room. Every noise and smell, every crack and break, every tone and look are boots that can kick you out. You must plan and work to stay inside. You need them listening and absorbing without losing trust or drifting away.
How?
-Gaps
A mind responds to certain things. It craves them. It needs them. Or it needs completion of what was begun. It needs closure. For a mind to need closure and satisfaction the speaker must first create an opening.
Such as stories. Humans are hardwired to like stories. Once the story begins a person will usually stays with it to the end. Folks even stay to the end of bad movies because they need to complete the arc and know how the story ends. The TV news will go into a commercial break asking “which restaurant was found to have roach feces on the tables?” It’s a question that folks will wait thru commercials to have answered. A question, a story, a scenario presented needs completion and a mind craves and demands completion. An unanswered question burns and aches. A gap in their knowledge created by you, that can only be filled by you, keeps them absolutely glued to you, because only you can scratch their itch — the itch that you created!
A rhetorical question is the ultimate gap. An asked question with a sufficiently long pause at the end is automatically answered in the mind of the hearer. It’s one of the most powerful techniques in rhetoric and oratory. Most people can’t pull it off because they don’t stick the landing. — They botch the pause.
Most people. — -When a speaker describes (a behavior or attribute that is a negative) something in terms of “most people”, it automatically sets up a comparison in the mind of the listener. Us and them. A gap. No listener wants to be part of “most people” when the alternative is positive. “Most people live lives of quiet desperation”. — Who wants that? “Most people die with their music still in them”. — Who wants that? “Most people are are bamboozled by advertisers”. — Who wants that? “Most people will run out of money in retirement”. The comparison that is set up in the mind of the hearer when “most people” is employed is an automatic hack into their mind by setting up a scenario where they want to be on a side that isn’t with “most (bad) people”.
Imagine and think. Used in the same way and interchangeably. A speaker can say “imagine” and then a line after that and very often the listener will, on que, imagine the very thing the speaker named. Similarly, “think about” or “think of” followed by a line about what the speaker wants them to think is nearly a magic spell that the listener will follow. For example:
“Imagine a world with no hunger”……”Imagine a place that never gets cold”….
or
“Think about a time when you failed…”. “Think about where you want to be…”
The key to all of these is a pause at the end that allows the listener to literally answer the question or imagine or think about what the speaker has opened up. The listener fills it in. The speaker sets the stage and opens a gap to where the listener goes somewhere in their mind. It’s a gap or void that must be filled. But only if the speaker has the fortitude and foresight to pause long enough for the gap to create the tension and void that must be filled in the mind of the listener. Most speakers wilt and don’t pause long enough.
-Humor.
Humor is a Trojan horse. It’s candy. It’s the loss-leader. It keeps them engaged and entertained while the medicine is going down. It builds rapport. It makes them want more.
-Assymetry.
This is also a Trojan Horse. Or perhaps it’s “rhetorical judo”. Folks don’t like to be challenged directly. An audience stops listening when they are being lectured or preached-to. That’s why a speaker can tell a story making fun of himself or some foil the audience doesn’t mind judging and ridiculing and the audience will go along and accept it. Only then the speaker can turn the tables and make that story about the audience and at that point it’s too late because the medicine has already gone down. The speaker can flip a switch and finesse a story that seems totally unrelated and removed from the audience and make it into the audiences story. This famously happened in the Old Testament book of Samuel in a dialogue between the prophet Nathaniel and King David with a story about a third person. King David was so infuriated by the story that he wanted to know who the (bad) man in the story was so that he might be severely punished. Nathaniel replied, ..”you are that man!”….the medicine was already downed…
-Boots
Avoiding the boot is the most important thing. Once you are booted nothing you say thereafter matters. It won’t be heard. Once you are booted you’ll not get back in. Once you are booted the fact that you were once inside no longer matters. A speaker can be imperfect, imprecise, and bad or good until he’s booted. Most often the boot happens on a subconscious level. How do you get booted? Mostly it’s losing the audiences trust or their ability to continue paying attention. The list is very long and this list is only partial:
Insufficient eye-contact
The wrong type of eye-contact (not dwelling long enough, darting about)
Blinking too long.
Not smiling enough
Smiling too much
Appearing fake. Not genuine.
Abstract ideas and statistics and data. It never owns the room. It doesn’t enchant.
Failing to display the palms of ones hands. This could be clinching of a fist, hands in pockets, hands turned to not allow palms to be seen. It all engenders subconscious mistrust.
Doing or saying something that makes an audience feel inferior or uncomfortable or insulted.
Doing or saying something that conflicts with an audiences deeply held beliefs.
Using jargon or hard to understand language (audience perceives as talking down to them or just making them feel unintelligent). If they have too think too hard they stop following the flow of the speech. Why use puffed up language when it’s not needed and repells? Speak in the language the audience is most comfortable hearing.
Dressing in a manner too good or not good enough (aim for a tie). Either insults.
Not keeping shoulders square to audience. Is he hiding something?
Going too long. Even the very best speaker can only own the room for so long. Don’t test it. Stay short enough that you don’t get booted. 10 minutes is long. 20 minutes is really pushing it. William Blake said “You only know what is enough when you find what is too much”. Don’t find out.
Finally, think of this. A speaker is wasting their breathe and everyone’s time if the audience doesn’t listen, hear, accept, process, remember, and respond. The presenter must take the audience somewhere. The speaker must grab their mind, their awareness, and hold it inspite of the million other directions it is being pulled. Most speakers miss the mark and are booted out or never get in.
The speaker must own the room. The only room that matters
